IN THE EVENT OF: A plague of frogs
If on Dec. 21 (the day the Mayan calendar ends) you see a monsoon of amphibians flopping down outside, mix yourself a strong cocktail, pull up a comfy chair and watch the Plagues of Egypt unfold on your front lawn. And then, of course, throw these songs on headphones, step outside and give ’em hell. (LEAH SOTTILE)
1. “Go With the Flow,”
Queens of the Stone Age
2. “Cities in Dust,”
Siouxsie and the Banshees
3. “(Don’t Fear) the Reaper,”
Blue Oyster Cult
4. “Locust Star,”
Neurosis
5. “One Shot at Glory,”
Judas Priest
6. “God Hates a Coward,”
Tomahawk
IN THE EVENT THAT: Yellowstone Supervolcano Destroys North America
When the enormous lake of lava simmering beneath Yellowstone National Park decides to blow, you’re gonna need some tunes to ease the pain. White-hot clouds of gas, rivers of molten rock, sulfuric acid rain — the works. Fear not, for the following appropriately heavy cuts are tailor-made for volcano-watching. (GAWAIN FADELEY)
1. “Blood On the Sun,”
Mountain
2. “Main theme from Godzilla,”
Akira Ifukube
3. “Demon’s Eye,”
Deep Purple
4. “Second Time Around,”
Blue Cheer
5. “Time Has Come Today,”
The Chambers Brothers
6. “Ouroboros Is Broken,”
Earth
IN THE EVENT OF: A slow-burning crumble into flames
While the streets are filled with life-lovers and looters in a frenzy of panic and free housewares, the most stunning activity will be sitting up on high and watching the landscape slowly melt into rubble and ashes. (JORDAN SATTERFIELD)
1. “Rhubarb,”
Aphex Twin
2. “The Sinking of the Titanic,”
by Gavin Bryars
3. “Mir,”
Biosphere
4. “Nowhere,”
The Sight Below
5. “dlp 4,”
William Basinski
IN THE EVENT OF: Christianity being right about the afterlife
Man, if the Godbotherers end up being spot-on about this whole Heaven-versus-Hell thing… well, let’s put it this way: I’ll be shocked if my name and passport aren’t red flagged at the Pearly Gates. If I’m going to spend eternity surrounded by fire, damnation, Hitler and Bernie Madoff, might as well rock the most appropriate and blackened metal. (KEVIN STEWART-PANKO)
1. “Live Like an Angel, Die Like a Devil,”
Venom
2. “Christ Eater,”
Deiphago
3. “Fallen Angel,”
Possessed
4. “Satanik Metal F---ing Hell,”
Abigail
5. “Chapter of Obeisance Before Giving Breath to the Inert One in the Presence of the Crescent Shaped Horns,”
Nile
IN THE EVENT THAT: You’re the Only Survivor
So the apocalypse came and went, wiping out the entirety of the human race... except for you. No, you’re not going to find another survivor late in the third act and start a new civilization. This is it. Truly alone. “Time Enough at Last” from Twilight Zone alone. Waiting to die; it’s a bummer. Just like these tunes. (SETH SOMMERFELD)
1. “Here,”
Pavement
2. “Hurt,”
Johnny Cash
3. “Some Song,”
Elliott Smith
IN THE EVENT OF: Natural irradiation and human mutation
Studies released by the University of Tegucigalpa state that on Dec. 21, solar radiation will cause four-tenths of two percent of the population in the northern and southern hemispheres to mutate into “Pigmen” (a mix of guinea-pigs, and Ann Coulter). Anarchy, death and irrational behaviors ensue, while the rest of the world is enslaved and put to work making twinkies. (AUSTIN MELL)
1. “Lunacy,”
Swans
2. “The Manifold Curiosity,”
Kayo Dot
3. “Hunting and Gathering,”
Sunn O)))
4. “Rosegarden Funeral of Sores,”
Bauhaus
5. “Wild Word,”
The Birthday Party
6. “Exit Music (For a Film),”
Radiohead
