The Onion in Spokane: 'Don't write 'revenge' in blood in the conference room'

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Spokane is once again The Onion's dateline choice — this time for a morbid news brief about a company reminding disgruntled employees they should not, in fact, scrawl "revenge" in blood in the conference room everyone has to share. (We trust you to know this already, but we have to say it: The Onion is satire.)

From the story:

“Most of you are already familiar with this rule, but just as a refresher, it’s directly against company policy for an employee to use blood to write ‘revenge’ on the conference room walls, door, or table,” wrote Shumaker, emphasizing that it did not matter if the word was rendered in human or animal blood. “Remember that we all use this room, and it’s inconsiderate to force your colleagues to delay their meeting to scrub ‘revenge’ off the whiteboard or windows.” Shumaker added that any employee who wanted revenge should simply carve the word into the forehead of his or her supervisor.

Happy Friday, fellow office dwellers!