Bloglander

Good job, diners! You all helped generate more than 54,300 meal donations to Second Harvest food bank thanks to participation in Inlander Restaurant Week's sixth annual, 10-day culinary celebration, which ended this past weekend on March 3.

That number breaks all previous records and is thanks to donations from participating restaurants, diners and event sponsors Sysco and Dairy Farmers of Washington. This Thursday, more than 17,000 of those meals were distributed by Sysco to Second Harvest.

While Inlander Restaurant Week encourages the community to support local restaurants across the region with a visit during this typically slower time of the year, it's also a time to consider the many members of our community who can't afford to dine out during IRW, or even to put enough food on the table for themselves and their family — one in eight people in our region don't know where their next meal is coming from.

Here's how the donations generated by this year's event break down:

• The #IRWRaveReviews hashtag on social media (Twitter, Facebook and Instagram) generated more than 5,400 meals. Each time diners shared a post using that tag, Sysco donated five meals to Second Harvest.

A major focus of the YWCA Spokane is to help victims of domestic violence. After the
Inlander published a story about domestic violence allegations against community leader Phil Tyler, the YWCA sent out the following statement: 

Every day, at YWCA Spokane, we work to assist women and children who are affected by domestic violence and abuse. This week, The Inlander published an article detailing domestic violence allegations about a member of our community, who has supported the YWCA Spokane publicly in the past. We find these allegations deeply disturbing, and stand with these and other victims who have spoken out so bravely.

The women who we assist come to us in pain, desperate for help but fearful of what that might mean. We listen to their stories, unique in the details but so similar in the themes of control, and explosive outbursts.

In The Inlander’s article we saw the same pattern, the same themes. And again, we are disheartened. This has to change. We ask the community to join us in our work to end the silence around domestic violence and to make a difference for our families and our community.

I'd also encourage you to read this powerful story about domestic violence

In writing this story, we spoke at length with Morgan Colburn, associate director of counseling and outreach with the YWCA Alternatives to Domestic Violence program to try to better understand this issue.

Here's what we learned:
While it's more common for men to abuse women, women can also be abusers. Same-sex relationships have domestic violence as well.

"It's really hard to determine a type of personality, each perpetrator will use these types of tactics differently," Colburn says.

For example, sometimes abusers may seem completely fine and loving until their partner gets pregnant. Then they become violent. Others may be abusive from the beginning. 

One thing that many perpetrators have in common, however, is that they've often been victims or witnesses to domestic violence themselves. It's a cycle that can perpetuate.

There's also no reliable stereotype of a victim, she adds.

"We have clients in here who are upper-class professionals who are victims," Colburn says. "And people who are homeless."

One-fourth of women will be victims of domestic violence in their lifetime, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, and one in every seven men.

"When it’s one in four women, it’s our sisters, it’s our mothers, it’s our coworkers," Colburn says. You probably know people who have been victims, she says, even if you don't know it yet.


"As a movement, we understand domestic violence to be so much more than physical threats,"  Colburn says. "We understand domestic violence as a number of different tactics to gain power over a person. Often it doesn’t include physical violence."

The YWCA uses a graphic called the "Wheel of Power and Control" to illustrate this idea.

"Everything they do is to seek power and control over another person," she says. "Not letting a victim have any access to a bank account... Sabotaging work relationships. Manipulating kids."

It's common for domestic abusers to isolate their victims from friends and family.

"Maybe turning family against the victim, or turning the victim against their family," Colburn says. After that happens, when the victim is scared, she may not know who she can turn to.

Domestic abusers sometimes intentionally try to make their victims think they're going crazy

It's called "gaslighting," named after the 1938 film Gas Light, where a husband tries to convince his wife she's going crazy when she notices the gas lights dimming every night.  For example, Colburn says, an abuser might move his victim's car keys every night, and then accuse her of putting them in the fridge.

Doing little things like that is very common, she says.

"If a victim starts to believe they're are going to crazy, they start to disbelieve they’re a victim," Colburn says.


A woman says she was abused. Later, she says she wasn't or asks to drop the charges.

But that doesn't mean she was lying, Colburn says.

"For the majority, that need to recant the story is usually based off of safety concerns, not usually, 'this is a lie'," Colburn says. Often, victims are extremely hesitant to report their abuse to police, for a number of reasons.

Three years before the #MeToo movement, the video of NFL player Ray Rice punching his then-fiancee in an elevator sparked a #WhyIStayed hashtag centered around domestic violence. It's incredibly common for women to stay in an abusive relationship. Maybe they're worried about violent retaliation. Or their kids. Or that no one will love them again.

"I can tell you there are a thousand reasons I’ve heard. Every client has a new reason," Colburn says. "Often it’s based off of fear. She stayed because he had full financial control. She stayed because her family didn’t support her anymore."

Many victims will also return to their abuser, Colburn says, but that shouldn't make you question their allegations of abuse either.

Sometimes abusers may threaten to kill themselves if victims don't return to them. Or they may promise to change, apologize for what they've done and charm their way back into their victim's good graces.

"We are all taught to feed into hope," she says. "We’re taught we’re supposed to believe people and help people to change."

Often, there's a cycle. Long periods of time may go by where the violence subsides and their relationship is good. And then the violence returns.

Abusers can change — but they have to come clean first

"I am a firm believer that anybody has the capacity to change," Colburn says. But first, they have to take responsibility and show accountability.

"I can’t change my eating problem, if I don’t think I have an eating problem," Colburn says.

If they have admitted violence, it's often a matter of finding the right way to treat the problem. If childhood trauma is an issue, for example, that could mean going to therapy to address the trauma.

A lot of people think that domestic violence is just an issue with people who have a short fuse. But Colburn says that's wrong. Domestic violence is usually more about control than anger. They want power over the other person.

"Somebody who has an anger management issue would be just as likely to punch a guy at a bar as he would be to harm his wife," Colburn says. "We know that anger management doesn’t work."

In fact, anger management can backfire, she says. Victims often rely on noticing signs of anger to escape from a situation that could turn violent.

"Anger management teaches people to control their anger, and reduces the victim's ability to perceive if they’re angry," Colburn says. "Now we’ve almost taught the perpetrator to hide the signs the victim needs to keep him or himself safe. "

MY FRESH BASKET WINS NOTABLE AWARD

Considered by some to be the grocery industry’s Oscars equivalent, the Progressive Grocer’s Most Outstanding New Concept Store for 2017-18 was recently awarded to Spokane’s My Fresh Basket.

Opening last summer, My Fresh Basket in Kendall Yards, at the corner of Monroe Street and Summit Parkway, was designed to cater to consumers’ preferences for buying local and organic products, among other trends. The store is also half the size of most other grocers and uses a perimeter layout to station its main departments, including the deli, produce stands and bakery.

“In an industry where stores constantly seek to differentiate themselves from competitors, we believe My Fresh Basket is the model for today’s shopper,” says store director Matt Grittner.

In conjunction with the honor, My Fresh Basket is featured on the cover of Progressive Grocer’s February magazine.

NEW FOOD AND WINE FESTIVAL COMING TO COEUR D’ALENE

A new regional culinary celebration is coming to the Coeur d’Alene Resort on the first weekend of April. The two-day Coeur d’Alene Food & Wine Festival on April 6 and 7 is set to include several hands-on cooking demonstrations and wine tasting seminars, along with luncheons and two multi-course dinners with featured wine pairings.

Wednesday was an emotional rollercoaster if you're a fan of Seattle sports.

Seahawks Michael Bennett and Richard Sherman are on their way out? Ichiro Suzuki is back with the Mariners?

“The ‘Legion of Boom’ Seahawks Go Quietly Into the Night” reads Sports Illustrated’s headline. How ominous and depressing.

I’m not a giant sports nerd, but I definitely felt a sinking feeling in my stomach when I saw news of Bennett’s trade to the Philadelphia Eagles and Sherman’s rumored departure.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

UPDATE:

Without mentioning Phil Tyler by name, the city of Spokane issued a statement regarding the domestic violence allegations reported by the Inlander this week:

Spokane Mayor David Condon, Police Chief Craig Meidl, and Fire Chief Brian Schaeffer issued the following statement supporting victims of domestic violence and giving them a voice:

“As local leaders we support giving victims a voice. It is our jobs and responsibilities to make sure we provide a safe place in our neighborhoods, communities, places of work, and other places we congregate for victims to speak up and advocates to speak out.

The allegations are very serious. Violence against women is a problem plaguing our country and dominating headlines nationally, and Spokane is no different. Too many women are victims and we have more speaking up every day.

This is not an easy discussion. It will take time and many more steps forward, but we must continue to stand against violence and for the voice of victims in our community.

As leaders of a city government, police department and fire department, we have taken steps to increase reporting options, make victims more comfortable coming forward, and protecting them when they are courageous enough to speak up. The police department has partnered with the YWCA to open the Family Justice Center, a center of excellence that puts victim assistance, advocacy, enforcement, and prosecution together in one location. Police officers visit offenders in jail and follow up with victims in their homes to make sure they continue to get the assistance and support they need through the prosecution process.

As much as we would like, change does not happen overnight. It will require a determination and diligence that we will continue to lead and demand that others join.”

ORIGINAL STORY:

This morning, the Spokane chapter of the National Organization for Women issued a searing statement in the wake of the Inlander's story this week about a series of domestic violence allegations made by community advocate Phil Tyler's three ex-wives.

Tyler has repeatedly and consistently denied nearly 30 years of allegations of violent behavior toward women.

NOW, who led the charge over how Mayor David Condon handled sexual harassment allegations against the police chief in 2015, writes that the group believes Tyler's accusers.

"We believe Chloe. We believe Darci. We believe Katrina,"  NOW writes. "We believe all women who bravely come forward to tell their truths and end the silence that pervades our society and culture regarding violence, disrespect, and degradation towards and against women."

It further suggests that Tyler may be guilty of victim blaming and gaslighting.

"This is not a three-decades-long campaign to destroy one man’s success," the statement says. "This is a three-decades-long timeline of one man's documented aggression, control, violence and persistent abuse."

NOW urges Tyler to admit his role in the alleged incidents in order to begin to repair his trust with the community.

"There is room for redemption but you must take the first step," NOW writes.

The organizations also urges community leaders who Tyler had recruited to star in a video about sexual assault to issue their own statements, as well as outline measures they will take to help women trapped in abusive situations.

"We finally encourage Mayor Condon, Police Chief Meidl, Sheriff Knezovich and Fire Chief Schaeffer to invoke their friendships with Tyler to encourage him to take onus of his actions so our community and the women involved can begin healing," the statement concludes.

Read the whole thing below.

Who can we trust when some of our allies and advocates are, themselves, abusers?

Former President of the Spokane NAACP and current community leader, Phil Tyler has been accused by three previous wives of decades of verbal and physical abuse for which there is an extensive amount of documentation and witness testimony. In this article, Tyler has denied all allegations and claims to have no recollection of the assault for which he was convicted.

At Spokane Area NOW, we believe women. We believe Chloe. We believe Darci. We believe Katrina. We believe all women who bravely come forward to tell their truths and end the silence that pervades our society and culture regarding violence, disrespect, and degradation towards and against women.

Because a woman does not report abuse or because a man has not abused every woman with whom he has been, it does not make that prior abuse invisible. The incidents highlighted in this article are deeply concerning, brutal, and, toxic. This is not a three-decades-long campaign to destroy one man’s success. This is a three-decades-long timeline of one man's documented aggression, control, violence, and persistent abuse.

Yet, there is a strong overtone of victim blaming and gaslighting in Tyler’s responses. There is no way for the community to move forward until there is an acknowledgment of his role in these incidents. We cannot begin to heal survivors of domestic violence, or repair the trust of a community until abusers accept responsibility instead of continued repudiation. Mr. Tyler, we call on you to take accountability for your actions. There is room for redemption but you must take the first step.

And because of the We Will Rise video, we request that all of the men who appeared alongside Tyler: Spokane Mayor David Condon, Spokane Police Chief Craig Meidl, Spokane County Sheriff Ozzie Knezovich, and Spokane Fire Chief Brian Schaeffer release their own statements regarding domestic violence. We, and the Spokane community, would like to understand the measures you will take to ensure the City and County agencies, over which you have authority, are offering services and protections to women in abusive situations - as well as how you plan to follow through on your claim to rise with us against sexual harassment and assault. Until we hear your words and obtain your assurances, your promises in this video will remain unfulfilled.

We finally encourage Mayor Condon, Police Chief Meidl, Sheriff Knezovich, and Fire Chief Schaeffer to invoke their friendships with Tyler to encourage him to take onus of his actions so our community and the women involved can begin healing.

ON INLANDER.COM

The jury believed her
Former Spokane Police Sgt. Gordon Ennis was found guilty of raping female officer at a 2015 house party.

Community leader denies accusations of a violent past
Former NAACP president, City Council hopeful and outspoken community leader Phil Tyler has been accused by his three ex-wives of domestic abuse. He denies it.

The Spokane chapter of the National Organization of Women have now called on Spokane Mayor David Condon, Sheriff Ozzie Knezovich, Police Chief Craig Meidl and Fire Chief Brian Schaeffer, who all appeared in a video with Tyler asking men to stand up against sexual violence, to comment publicly on domestic violence.

NOW released a statement on Facebook that says, in part, "There is a strong overtone of victim blaming and gaslighting in Tyler's responses. There is no way for the community to move forward until there is an acknowledgement of his role in these incidents. We cannot begin to heal survivors of domestic violence, or repair the trust of a community until abusers accept responsibility instead of continued repudiation. Mr. Tyler, we call on you to take accountability for your actions. There is room for redemption, but you must take the first step."

Simply rock 'n roll
One of Spokane's newest rock bands (feat. Garrett Zanol, formerly of Blackwater Prophet) is keeping it simple with heavy duty, uncomplicated riffs reminiscent of Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin. Their first album dropped last August. A second is in the works. They're playing the Red Room Lounge this Saturday.

IN OTHER NEWS

'This is gonna affect more than just your life'
The trailer for a new Netflix documentary, 'The Rachel Divide,' was released Wednesday.


It shows the former Spokane NAACP president, who is white but masqueraded as black, and her son grappling with the fallout from her public statements.

"I resent some of her choices, and I resent some of the words she's spoken in interviews," her son says in the trailer.

"The more I hear about it, the more I talk to people about it, it just drains me."

Locally, a black Spokane artist has clashed with the downtown library for including Dolezal's work in an annual exhibition benefitting local charities. (Spokesman-Review)

Remember women
Today is International Women's Day, and this morning, the New York Times is rectifying the overwhelmingly male and mostly white presence in its obituary writing. A new project, Overlooked, features profiles of influential women starting from the early 1800s. (New York Times)

Adult film star sues the president
Trump's lawyer has obtained a temporary restraining order that prevents adult film actress, Stormy Daniels, from speaking about the $130,000 she was paid to keep quit about an affair she had with Trump in 2006. Daniels turned around and sued the president, saying the "hush agreement" is invalid. (Washington Post)