Jeers to my shady, fairweather friend. You refer to me as your "best
friend"--pathetic. After months of cruising your hook-up app on your phone
in search of "the one," you find the love of your life and go from 0-60 in
your relationship. Fail. You need to get your life. I am ashamed of myself
for ever giving you the time of day and allowing you to consume my
thoughts. I hope that you're happy--but just know this: your relationship
will not last. And this time, I will not be there to help you through the
break-up. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.