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DVD Review

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by Josh Smith & r & Galaxy of Terror & r & Without much fanfare, I now present the breakdown of this three-movie, B-movie extravaganza from the directing and producing team of the Polonia brothers (Mark and John) on a single DVD:





The Prehistoric Island & r & The Plot? A man, his friend and the friend's alcoholic brother are pulled through "a hole in time or something" and stranded on a prehistoric island. & r & The Good: There are dinosaurs and a bottomless bottle of wine. & r & Spurious Justification: A man confronts his inner dinosaur of alcoholism. Also, a pterodactyl poops on him.





Dawn of the Dinosaur & r & The Plot? After a nuclear and chemical holocaust, an escaped prisoner attempts to stop a madman. & r & The Good: The filmmaking duo were able to save money by reusing stop-motion sequences and hand puppets from Island. Polonia brother John is devoured by the triceratops puppet. & r & Spurious Justification: A cautionary tale of nuclear and chemical disaster brought about by man's hubris, and how we will ultimately be defeated by our own twisted creations. The downside? No poop jokes.





Preylien: Alien Predators & r & The Plot? An alien bounty hunter crashes on Earth, setting loose his menagerie of deadly prisoners. Subplots feature a suicidal widower, a newspaperman trying to regain his credibility and something about a snowmobile race. & r & The Good: In back-to-back shots, the space ship flies forwards and then backwards. Between Dawn and Preylien, apparently, the brothers made friends with someone who'd taken two semesters of 3-D modeling at the local community college. & r & Spurious Justification: There is no reason for this. Drunk on CGI (all five minutes of it), the brothers find themselves unable to weave all their plots together. No poop jokes, but we do get plot holes the size of a brontosaurus.


All three films quickly degrade into long shots of people, monsters or puppets shuffling off into the woods. Ultimately, this collection is more like something your buddies made in your backyard while drunk than anything anyone should ever actually watch.