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For Your Consideration

Epic-Fail Edition

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FASHION | For years now, the Oregon Ducks have not only blasted opponents on the field, but they've looked way better doing it. Pre-Oregon, uniforms were too stodgy. Now teams all over the nation have a variety of looks, with reflecting helmets, space-age fabrics and secret little messages hidden in the neck seams. Thanks for spicing things up, Nike! So what happened last week at the National Championship game? Most people thought the Mighty Ducks didn't look like themselves. Exactly! Sure, they sucked on the field, but in a kind of twist on the ugly-sweater craze, they wore awful BLACK-AND-WHITE UNIFORMS — not a sliver of green or gold to be found anywhere. Huh?! The football gods are well-known to punish coaches who don't go for it on easy fourth downs; apparently they'll punish your lack of team pride, too. Epic Fail, Phil Knight!

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YOUTUBE | This, apparently, is a thing: UNBOXING VIDEOS. Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like. People videotape themselves opening their just-delivered gadget, upload it and the views roll in. YouTube sensation Francis (no, not the Pope, and yes, "YouTube sensation" is a thing now, too) logged more than 7 million views for "unboxing" his PlayStation 4. Other videos are more serious — almost ritualistic, actually, like the many reverent unboxings of the iPhone 6. Has our collective bar for what's entertainment been lowered to such depths? (Watching paint dry: Now streaming on Netflix!) Has our consumer culture gone so far off the deep end that we now want to peep in when our lucky neighbors open the things we desire? Exactly what kind of fetish would your therapist label this behavior? Epic Fail, America! Forget the unboxings and get back to what's important — cat videos!

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TV | Morning television is a battleground, with the networks locked in a power struggle over ratings. Heck, even our local stations are into the act, with full-on morning shows from KREM (on the CW) and KHQ (on FOX). Good Morning America, with no cooking segment deemed too contrived, or pseudo-celebrity too marginal, is winning. The Today Show has fallen from grace, and now sits in second; how can Today retake the top spot? Invest in more news? Stories on consumer rip-offs? Starving children in Africa? For Matt Lauer and the gang, the answer is (here comes the Epic Fail part): A PUPPY! Yes, the whole team is raising a puppy — Wrangler — right in America's living room. "This just in: Jesus makes his second coming... But first, let's see what little Wrangler's up to! What? He peed on Al's leg — again? Sooo cute!" ♦