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Gifts for Russian Hackers

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Russian hackers are famously difficult to shop for. After all, what do you get for the guy who already bought your credit card information off of the Dark Web back in 2015? But think in terms of convenience: He has a lot on his mind. He has the entire fate of Western democracy in his hands. He has to manage his exhausting swarm of trolls and bots. He spends way too much time on Twitter and Facebook. So collude with a couple of your friends, pool your rubles, and buy a few of these gifts for the Russian hacker in your life.

MESSENGER BAG

As hacker video game Watch Dogs 2 teaches us, the most important part of hacking is owning a cool messenger bag. After all, a hacker may need a quick and stylish way to get their laptops out in their targets' server room, all while dangling from a ventilation shaft. Pick up a Banjo Brothers messenger bag from beloved Bike Hub for $65 if you're on a budget. Or, if you're going swankier, check out the Dispatch bag at Thrux Lawrence in Coeur d'Alene. $450 • 206 N. Third • Coeur d'Alene

64-GIG THUMB DRIVE

Hackers know there's nothing worse than tunneling into a DNC database and realizing that they've run out of storage space. If they haven't upgraded to unlimited storage on Dropbox, carrying around a heavy duty flash drive at all times is the next best alternative. This Samsung USB 3.0 drive can be looped directly onto a keyring. The hacker in your life will never have to leave a single Clinton campaign chair risotto recipe behind. $30 • Recycle Techs • 3601 N. Nevada

DRY FLY VODKA

It's not worth the hard work it takes to topple American institutions if you need to do it sober. While the curators at the Vodka Museum in Moscow will repeatedly insist that if it's not Russian, it's not vodka, hackers play by their own rules. Go local and get them a big bottle of Dry Fly. Toss in some Dry Fly Triticale whiskey while you're at it. $40 Dry Fly Distilling 1003 E. Trent Ave

CARAT WIRELESS IN-EAR HEADPHONES

Sometimes, the Russian hacker is the guy barking orders into headphones at agents out in the field. Sometimes he's out in the field getting orders barked at himself. In that case, he needs to make sure those orders come in clearly and reliably. The Carat bluetooth headphones from Fiil not only have a mic, voice controls and volume, play, pause and call buttons, they have a magnetic clasp that automatically puts your headphones on standby mode when not in use. Perfect for both jogging and infiltrating. $99 Huppin's 8016 N Division

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