Listen up, pipsqueak. You think your wimpy little baby arms are strong enough to pick up a few presents for the hulk of rippling muscles and sinew in your life? He's more Creatine than man now, and he'll crush your conventional gifts like a teeny-tiny baby bug. But find the right gift, and the giant can be tamed.
SEAHAWKS MUSCLE TANK TOP
Think fashion. Any Actually Buff dude worth his weight in dumbbells has already gone through his closet and taken all of his shirts — T-shirts, suit jackets, wool sweaters, rain slickers — and cut all the sleeves off to showcase just how swole he's become. Cut out the middleman. Get him one of those muscle tank tops. He may have mixed feelings about the Seahawks — Jimmy Graham clearly needs to hit the gym to work on those pansy-ass sternocleidomastoids — but the Actually Buff dude will love the way this tank top emphasizes his Legions of Boom. (What he calls his biceps.) $40 • Sport Town • 511 W. Main
YMCA FAMILY MEMBERSHIP
Actually Buff dude typically works out by lifting rusty pickup-truck chassis in an abandoned junkyard, but sometime he wants to spend time with his family too. The YMCA's a place where the whole gang is welcome. While Dad lifts, Mom can do Zumba, Sis can run on the treadmill and Grandma can swim laps. $75, plus $84 a month for all dependents • YMCA • 930 N. Monroe
HUMA CHIA ENERGY GEL
Fleet Feet has plenty of protein powder mixes and such concoctions. While most Actually Buff dudes owns their own set of muscle potions, the key here is flavor variety. Pick up a bunch of energy gels — perfect for long workouts — with flavors like lemon, strawberry and apples and cinnamon. Ideal stocking stuffers. $2.25 • Fleet Feet Sports Spokane • 1303 N. Washington
Nature, of course, is the original gym. Trails are the original treadmill. Rivers, the original water aerobics classroom. Cliffs, the original chin-up bar. But when the weather gets too slippery for the Actually Buff dude to rock-climb outdoors, Rock Rings let him practice his strength and climbing grip indoors at home. $29.95 • Mountain Gear • 2002 N. Division ♦