Re: Vending Machine Dreamboat at Engie: Thanks to this anonymous coworker of mine, everyone thinks I wrote last week's I Saw You because of my pickle obsession. You can have the stocker, but save a pickle for me, kindred spirit.
Awkard Skee Ball Girl: Wait, you thought I was the "hottest chick at the bar?" Lets fact check to make sure it was me at the Rail in Hillyard last Friday? You were in a T-shirt, i think North Face, and you were just starting a game of pool? I figured you had a girlfriend, or thought i was an ogre, so I wasn't insulted, just a little disappointed. I thought you were "the hottest guy in the bar," by the way. I love the "I Saw Yous," I read them every week. It's cool you used that as a vehicle for your apology!! It's accepted and the offer still stands. You'd win — I'm a waaaay better singer than skee-baller... email@example.com
Gorgeous Redhead at Rosauers: I've seen you at the Rosauers on Third a couple of times. You are very tall with long, curly red hair and dark eyes and were wearing a green and white baseball shirt. Today I was in black leggings, a white T-shirt, curly brunette hair and wearing a look on my face that I can only imagine was a slack jawed, stunned look. Not my best, but you caught me off guard. I wanted to say something but I panicked and pretended to be looking very intently at dog food. I don't even own a dog. This has been my reaction every time I have seen you. Maybe next time I will have the courage to say something.
Super 1 South Hill Superb Smiley Clerk: Cheers to the sweetest, cheeriest, friendliest clerk there! While I appreciate and think highly of the whole staff at the South Hill Super 1, I especially love when I get to be checked out by my favorite short, friendly, long-haired, blonde gal. We all know that when dealing with the public, you have your typical jerk-offs and your jerk-wads. But even when there is some "off" or "wad" in line in front of me, you somehow maintain your positive, happy energy. Keep on being awesome, it makes the end to my day feel more positive and happy as well!
To the guy I used to work with: I'm so sorry things turned out the way they did & I truly hope you've found your safe & happy.
Found cell phone: I lost my cell phone on Tuesday, 6/19, while hiking at Saltese Uplands Conservation Area. I want to thank the very considerate person who found it and placed it where I could find it back at the trailhead. You really saved me a lot of trouble. I think it was the trail runner who was starting down from the top of the summit loop as I came up and I stepped off the trail to let you pass. I would really like to thank you directly, so please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and tell me something unique about the phone so I'll know it's really you.
Dogs in cars: Just so you all know, it is a felony to leave your dog in a hot car. It is also acceptable for me to break your window after attempts to find you. Rest assured, I will break your window.
Jeers to me: Heading up the hill, late to the airport, when I went to change lanes to get around slow traffic in front of me. I thought I was clear but your honk let me know I should have been more careful. I am sorry for making my inability to get places on time your problem. Sorry for the bad driving red car I cut off.
Hamilton rant: In response to the person pissed off about the variable interval pedestrian light on Hamilton by Gonzaga, suggesting the reason to install it in that particular location was a political favor for the rich kids: I will offer some differing observations. I've worked in the area and know for a fact there are many students who are not from wealthy families. The most interesting thing is that a major arterial with heavy traffic doesn't have a single left turn signal on any of the intersections with traffic lights. Amazingly short sighted! I agree with the suggestion that each elementary school may benefit from a pedestrian light, in conjunction with the street crossing guards. Another interesting observation is how quickly Hamilton has deteriorated to a pot-hole ridden, rutted piece of crap. How long ago was it repaved? How long was traffic f—-ed up, and how many millions of dollars were spent on a road which is already a total piece of shit? That's something to be pissed about!!
Tell It As It Is Recent advertisements from a regional gun show always display a collectible Winchester rifle from the late 1800s. Fact: most of the rifles and guns sold at gun shows are military assault weapons and high capacity semi-automatic hand guns, not rare collectibles. Please picture in your advertisement the weapon that really represents what gun shows commonly sell.