So there I was, sitting on a rock in the park, tugging on a 40, idly tearing pages from an old copy of The Inlander and feeding them one by one into the relentless maw of the Garbage-Eating Goat when it hit me:
This was the high point of my weekend. Dude. Spokane kinda sucks.
But thanks to the miracle of social networking, I don’t have to keep this bit of insight to myself. Yay, Facebook!
In fact, the purest, saddest Facebook status update ever posted may well be this one: “spokane kinda sucks is on facebook because there is nothing to do in spokane.”
Pure Zen. Who is this maestro of the mundane? This entrepreneur of ennui? This defeater of garbage-eating goats?
I’d love to tell you, but I just don’t know. And I’m probably not going to spend much time trying to find out. Sorry. Kinda sucks, huh?
The Facebook group spokane kinda sucks burst onto the social networking scene in May (if by “burst,” you mean appeared one day with all the fanfare of cigarette butts materializing on the sidewalks at the STA Plaza).
And yet spokane kinda sucks, with 139 friends, has more Facebook friends than me, and in less time.
Sucks! Somehow, though, it’s hard to stay angry at a site that is so on top of Spokane.
Update: “spokane kinda sucks two words for ya:
parking lots” Or this one. Update: “spokane kinda sucks whats going on in spokane? NOTHING. oh, wait, the lion king... wooooooo...”
Ouch. Can’t wait for posts on the figure skating championships. If there ever was an antidote for the chittering civic boosters who flock together like squirrels at a nut-log convention, spokane kinda sucks is it.
So pull on your fingerless hobo gloves, put down your 40, and friend up.
One friend of spokane kinda sucks, Jackob, just the other day linked to a synergistic sister site, Spokane Potholes, which was created just days ago. Here is a sample status update: “Spokane Potholes If potholes were currency, Spokane streets would be paved with gold... broken cracked gold but gold none the less.”
Broken cracked gold for a city of broken, cracked dreams. Yes!
Feed that to your Garbage-Eating Goat. Spokane Potholes aims to do the goat one better and become a Small-Car Eating Site. Take this comment: “I love to eat tires. It’s even better when I can hear suspensions break!” In fact, Spokane Potholes wrote last week, “My New Years resolution is to blow as many tires as possible!” Bwa-hahahahaha! Hard not to “like” such a straightahead Facebook page. And unlike the glum spokane kinda sucks, Spokane Potholes is a firm-handshake, nametag-wearing kind of site.
Update: “Spokane Potholes You know, it would be in your best interest to recommend me to your other Spokane friends. Or you could ignore this...but rest assured that I’ll be paying you a visit! :)” The info box contains a telephone number that, suspiciously, has the 625 prefix of many city departments. Is this some funky stealth outreach? Is Mayor Mary Verner stretching beyond YouTube raps to offer up hoaxy fun Facebook pages?
Because the number, when you dial it, gets you this:
“City of Spokane pothole line…” Brilliant! We can rave about potholes online, then call them in.
The guy who answered the hotline the other day says, “We didn’t start the page. Someone else is doing it.”
But as long as the potholes were being called in, it’s all good, the guy says. Except we may need a bigger shovel.
Update: “Spokane Potholes I laugh at this information! You may have filled those potholes but guess what?!
After a month or so of traffic those potholes are back with a vengence!”