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Super Bowl LII: What Do I Care?

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Is this a cake, pie or cookie?
  • Is this a cake, pie or cookie?

For this year's Super Bowl (Sunday, 3:30 pm, NBC), I'm in the position I imagine many others find themselves in every year — that of not caring even a little bit about the game.

I have no rooting interest in whether the Massholes of New England or the Santa-booing fans of Philadelphia are happier come game's end. I won't make a point of watching Justin Timberlake at halftime, as I'm a grown-ass man and I already saw that show in 2004. As for joining the ranks of people who "only watch the game for the commercials," well, I can't begin to fathom what's the matter with you folks. They're commercials.

But I'll still be watching Sunday, because it's what I've done every Super Bowl Sunday I can remember. So to pick a team to cheer for, I used the amazing internet to guide me toward things I do care about from each team's city: music, movies and food. Let's see how they stack up:

MUSIC

Boston has spawned tons of great bands, including some of my personal favorites: Pixies, the Cars, Dinosaur Jr. I even have a soft spot for pre-rehab Aerosmith. But Boston also gets a big demerit for foisting Marky Mark (you know, Mark Wahlberg rapping in his underwear) on the world.

Philly is a great music launching pad, too, judging by a list that includes the Roots, the War on Drugs, Beach Slang and Hall & Oates. The most embarrassing band I could find from there is '80s hair farmers Britny Fox — and I would much rather listen to them than Marky Mark. Still: ADVANTAGE NEW ENGLAND

MOVIES

Boston's been the setting for some pretty great flicks, from Spotlight to Mystic River to Good Will Hunting. (R.I.P. Robin Williams.) It also was the setting for the awful Jimmy Fallon vehicle Fever Pitch.

Philadelphia was the setting for Rocky. 'Nuf said. ADVANTAGE PHILADELPHIA

FOOD

Boston, of course, is best known for seafood: fish 'n' chips, lobster rolls, Boston clam chowder. Oh, and Boston Cream Pie, which is damn delightful.

Philadelphia is home to cheesesteaks, soft pretzels, hoagie sandwiches and "whoopie pie," which is some sort of bastardized pastry that Wikipedia says can be considered "a cookie, pie or cake." Um, hell yeah. ADVANTAGE PHILADELPHIA

FINAL ANSWER: Go Eagles. ♦

The original print version of this article was headlined "What Do I Care?"

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